ShelleW

Today is going to be a good day. I need to focus on what I can have and not what I can’t. I friend of mine made a statement behind my back this week that I only speak about my efforts to eat right “to hear myself”. That was hurtful to hear. I also go to a weight support group with her in which she is the secretary, not to mention we work together. I have found out that a number of people at my work place knows my weight. My husband doesn’t even know my weight! I want to confront her, but she is also my employer. Talk about getting yourself in a mess!

But regardless, I am going to make great efforts today to eat right, exercise and journal. These three things truly help me. I need to cut back on my breads and watch the fruit. I love WW Core. I want to give that a complete shot this week! I know I can do it.

I am on such a sugar high that it will be drastic measures of protein and veggies only, for 3 days to get my appetite back under control. Today the scale was up 5 pounds since 2 days ago. I know alot is fluid from the carb overload, but this yo-yoing is miserable and depressing.

Today my goal is to eat only when hungry and then for it to be protein and veggies. Taste, quantity, plate appeal- all does not matter. It has to be about appetite control.  I am also cleaning out the cupboards from all junk.

Sometimes I wish I could fight what attracts me to food and what draws me to eat. But that seems very confusing and complicated. Maybe my focus needs to not be on that, to start, but only on what I have to do, not what I can’t do!  So today I have to eat only when hungry and then only protein and veggies.  This truly works and I will be concerned about variety and etc after I am back into control.

Wish me luck!

I really think a plan that is tight, with areas of leniency (eating out) plus an exercise program would HAVE to move that scale. I know I am making all of the right choices most of the time. But “most of the time” is not enough. I also need to start watching my portion sizes. I really think I am getting more calories than I realize. That means that the food journal on here will be priceless!

“She’s got such a pretty face” is what I used to hear. But lately I have not even seen that. I don’t know if it is my weight, which never effected that before but enhanced it, or my age, 39 years old! But now when I look in the mirror I can see that I am changing and it is not for the good!

If this doesn’t shake me I am not sure anything will. The more and more I diet, changed lifestyles, whatever you call it, the more I am seeing that it is my bad habits that has done this to me and not a “Freak moment in time” where I was victimized by bad genes!

So, the bad habits and the corrections thereof would be the following:

          Eating pass my full or comfortable point - Correction: Stop eating when I am no longer hungry! There is the NEXT TIME”

         Eating after 7:00 pm .  —- Just don’t! I will live until tomorrow without food!!!

         Eating when I am not actually hungry, ie scheduled lunches, get-togethers. etc.—–Don’t eat until my stomach growls and when knowing that a social meal is coming, plan my hunger accordingly.

          Eating too big of portions! One will do. I can get another helping down which would actually be a second meal before my brain even gets the full signals from my stomach. ——– One will do, thank you very much. I will eat like a lady.

          Eating like there is no tomorrow —-could this be greed——-Do not allow myself to get too hungry but hungry enough that my food will taste good.

          No fried foods!!!! —- Geesh! What is wrong with me?! I know that fried food is full of fat and is bad for my heart…..OK, so quit it! Fried foods are out! No more!!! I will live without them.

Do I believe that I can implement this into my life. Well, not really but I am going to try hard. Maybe I will print this off and place it in my agenda or on my fridge. Maybe both. The more I read it, the more it will be ingrained.

Can I do this? Yes! I am losing very slow. I am working out, but I am eating too much carbs. I am low on fat but high on carbs. I need to up my veggies and fruit and lower the pasta/grain/rice.  

heavy sigh

Today I start a new week after weigh in. I really need to tighten up what I am doing. This would include cut-off eating times, count the points (Core WW) and DON’T eat when NOT hungry!

Although today is my free day, I want to make it only one meal. I really love eating healthy. But, once I fall off of that, I am really off for a while. I also have to keep reminding myself that I have a wedding coming! 

Lord, here I am once again. In the same place, with the same prayer, only time has gone by. I need Your help to overcome this battle. Right now, Lord, my body has full control of my decisions and choices. The will to do right has even weakened into a state of confusion. Somewhere, deep within, I know the right way to walk, making the right decisions of what goes into my mouth and what does not, if to exercise or not, when to eat or not, yet, somehow, at the moment of choice, I choose what is simple, quick and tastiest. Always resulting in wrong choices, large portions and weight gain for all to see.

So, Lord, today I simpy ask you to HELP me make the right decisions. I ask you to inhabit the part of my soul that chooses right from wrong. I surrender my WILL to you. Not my will but YOURS be done TODAY, Lord! Without Your help, I will do today what I have done for the past 2 months. Please Lord, hear this prayer and skip across the mountaintops to rescue me from my pitiful self!

I thank you, Lord, that it is already done! I know this b/c I know that Your divine will for me is health, self-control and righteous living (doing what is right). I thank you that tomorrow morning I WILL have a praise report of the GREAT day you have given me today!!!

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen!

Well, it is already Feb 25th. I can’t believe it. And I am no lighter than I was since the last entry. My TOM’s are really messed up and I have skipped every other one for 4 months. I can only credit this to some changes in my life due to working. But, otherwise, right now, I am 4 wks late with extreme fluid retention and migraines. This has made it a very difficult journey.

Besides all of that, I am making poor decisions. “A group of good small decisions bring forth the change”. That has been resonating in my spirit all week. It the small failures that are producing the overall failure. What am I going to eat for lunch? What portion sizes will I have at dinner? When I get hungry before bed, what will I do? These three decisions, right here, make or break, today’s success!

So, what am I going to eat for lunch? Hmmm… well, a can of Progresso clear broth soup w/ 1/2 pb & sf Jelly would be good with a piece of fruit. I could snack on carrots and ff veggie dip.

Dinner-portion sizes? Well, that is a problem b/c it is always like the “Last Supper”. But, protein, veggies are good at normal amts, starch should be one serving (small) and no extra bread. BUT- be prepared to be hungry in 2 hours!!! So at that point, a low fat protein is the best decision. Ex, grilled chicken breast.

Excercise, prayer, reading the Bible, keeping God close to my heart through the day is everything!!! I can do this because Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world! The lust of the flesh- appetite, passions and desires of our flesh- that control us are of the god of this world.  So, as a Child of the Most High God, I am more than a conqueror through Jesus Christ, Who strengthens me! Whether I believe this or not (which I do) does not make it less true. This IS what I am. So, Michelle, live like it, starting RIGHT NOW!!!

Hi! I am so glad that the prayer blessed you! It must have been meant for you too! It blesses me each time I reread it too. I am still doing well and relying on Him to help me, even when I fail. Blessings on your journey and if you need support, please stop by!

Shelle

Dear Lord,

Thank you for helping get to the 3rd day. Thank you for not expecting perfection from me.  I love knowing when I am being obedient to you and kind to my body. My strength is still in You! I look to You for my everything. Silently I wait for Your Presence to carry me through every moment of temptation, every spark of emotion and every place of confusion. My eyes are set on the goal of 150 lbs. But for right now I will ask for 20. You have already given me 4 of them. Thank you, Lord. Please continue to strengthen me, hold me and keep me. I ask of you only for my daily bread. That is not only in food, but joy, peace, love, patience and victory! I love you! In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen

Day two: The scale dropped 4 lbs since yesterday. Without a doubt I know that it is fluid. I spent most of work time yesterday in br. But I am very thankful that it is gone. Fluid caused my body to hurt all over. Plus the PMS symptoms were so bad that after work I laid around until bed, fighting to not go to sleep. Finally me and dh were laying in bed by 9:00pm. I was glad for that.

SPECIAL: This morning TOM showed up. YEAH! Now the misery will be coming to an end. In 2 days, I should have lost some more fluid and actually begin working out, not to mention, more energy.

EATING: I have not been counting anything for the past two day. Simply trying to eat right, within my portion size. Work is really helping with the mindless eating b/c there is no time to eat. Even lunchbreak is limited. This is a hidden agenda.

EXERCISE: Not yet! Two more days!